It's a list of questions that people have asked me over time. I tried to answer them as concisely as possible so you won't lose time reading it. If you still have interrogations, please ask them in the comment section below.
What Are the Best Cities to Meet Indonesian Girls?
1) Jakarta and its suburbs (Bekasi, Depok, Tangerang)
The whole metropolitan area has 35 millions inhabitants in total. That's probably several million single women. No need to say more.
2) Surabaya
Second city in Indonesia with over 3 million people. It's a rather clean city, well-managed, and affordable. Very few foreigners live there. In my experience, Surabaya girls make great girlfriends.
3) South Bali
The area between Kuta, Seminyak and Denpasar attracts Indonesian girls from all over the country. Many are looking to marry foreigners.
4) Bandung
Only 3 hours away from Jakarta, Bandung is the capital of West Java and the third largest Indonesian city. It is home to a large student population. Sundanese girls are considered among the most beautiful in Indonesia.
What are the Best Dating Apps for Indonesia?
There are dozens of dating apps and sites to meet Indonesian girls, but only a few of them have a really large database of users. My favorite ones are the following:
1) Tinder
Thousands of profiles available. Most girls on Tinder expect you to live in Indonesia so it might not be great if you're only passing by. It works best with guys who are young and good-looking.
IndonesianCupid is perfect for men who are not living in Indonesia. It's a more traditional match-making website, with a focus on personality more than looks. Recommended to prepare for a trip. Free to register here.
Read more: Best Dating Apps and Sites for Indonesia
What Are the Best Clubs to Meet Indonesian Girls?
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SkyGarden, La Favela
Basque, Loewy, Boca Rica, Fable, Dragonfly
What Are Indonesian Girls Like?
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While each girl is different, there are certain personality traits that you will find in most Indonesian girls. This is especially true for those who belong to the middle class and who were educated in Indonesia. That's because they were raised in a similar environment, with modest means, in rather conservative and religious families.
Here are some traits that are characteristic of Indonesian girls:
- Easy-going: She won't yell at you if you are 10 minutes late (but she expects the same from you, even if she is 2 hours late).
- Cheerful: Indonesians usually have a positive outlook on life. As long as there is enough food on the table, she will be in a good mood to laugh, joke and tease.
- Cheerful: Indonesians usually have a positive outlook on life. As long as there is enough food on the table, she will be in a good mood to laugh, joke and tease.
- Kind: She will be genuinely concerned about your well-being. If she is not, change girlfriend as it probably means she hates you.
- Generous: Maybe not with you, but she won't hesitate to help a family member or a friends who needs a handout. Unfortunately, it might be done using your money.
- Generous: Maybe not with you, but she won't hesitate to help a family member or a friends who needs a handout. Unfortunately, it might be done using your money.
- Religious: She is most likely to be a believer. The ones who date foreigners may more open-minded, but still they'll ask their boyfriend to convert if there is a difference of religion.
- Superstitious: I've lived 15 years in Indonesia and I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't believe in ghosts.
- Superstitious: I've lived 15 years in Indonesia and I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't believe in ghosts.
- Reserved: While she won't have any problems discussing her periods, she might be shy to express feelings or emotions. That can become an issue within your couple if she doesn't tell you when she is angry at you for instance.
- Touchy: Criticizing your Indonesian girlfriend is a minefield. Always be extra careful with your words.
- Touchy: Criticizing your Indonesian girlfriend is a minefield. Always be extra careful with your words.
- Group and Family-oriented: In general, her behavior will tend to match her family and her communities' expectations. Being unique or original is not valued as much as in the West.
- Strong: The average Indonesian girl probably had a much tougher life than the average Western girl. As a result, I believe they have a unique ability to overcome hardships.
- Pragmatic: She will accept and be satisfied with a situation that is not ideal, as long as it fulfills her most important requirements (economic security is often the main one).
- Pragmatic: She will accept and be satisfied with a situation that is not ideal, as long as it fulfills her most important requirements (economic security is often the main one).
Is My Girlfriend a Prostitute/a Good Girl?
Some guys wrote to me to express doubts about the girlfriend they were dating. Generally-speaking, if you have to ask the question, then you probably already know the answer but you are too blind to admit it. It is worth opening your eyes, though, because there is nothing worse than falling in love with someone who doesn't care about you.
What you can do is calculate how much she earns compared with how much she spends. If she is unemployed but possesses the latest iPhone, a car, an apartment and designer clothes, this means there is almost certainly one or several generous sponsors. Check on her Instagram also if there are many trips to Bali, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong. If it was a random guy who invited her, she will probably not post any picture of him.
If she regularly goes to clubs, find out which ones. Is it often Bats, CJs or Dragonfly? That's a bit suspicious. Ask yourself how she can pay for the entrance fees and the drinks. You can have a look at a sugar baby website like SeekingArrangement and see if she or her friends are there.
There are more telltale signs that can help you figure out if she is a hooker, a sugar baby, a professional girlfriend, or just a normal girl:
→ Is she too good for you? You're 48 and balding, she's 23 and hot. That's a 95% chance she is after your wallet.
What you can do is calculate how much she earns compared with how much she spends. If she is unemployed but possesses the latest iPhone, a car, an apartment and designer clothes, this means there is almost certainly one or several generous sponsors. Check on her Instagram also if there are many trips to Bali, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong. If it was a random guy who invited her, she will probably not post any picture of him.
If she regularly goes to clubs, find out which ones. Is it often Bats, CJs or Dragonfly? That's a bit suspicious. Ask yourself how she can pay for the entrance fees and the drinks. You can have a look at a sugar baby website like SeekingArrangement and see if she or her friends are there.
There are more telltale signs that can help you figure out if she is a hooker, a sugar baby, a professional girlfriend, or just a normal girl:
→ Is she too good for you? You're 48 and balding, she's 23 and hot. That's a 95% chance she is after your wallet.
→ Does she have mutilation scars on her wrist? This is much more common than you think. It generally doesn't mean the girl tried to kill herself, but it means that she tried to manipulate someone into thinking she did. Be careful.
→ Does she always talk about how much money she needs (my brother is sick, I need to pay for my room, I need to pay my uni, etc)?
→ Does she seem to have had a lot of ex-boyfriends, with a timeline that doesn't add up? That's probably because she was dating all of them at the same time. Are you sure she is not doing the same thing with you?
→ Does she drink or smoke (especially kretek) a lot? It doesn't necessarily mean anything: I know bright Indonesian girls with good jobs and master degrees who smoke and get hammered every weekend. Yet, in most cases, it is an indication that the girl has spent a lot of time in bars/clubs. You just have to figure out what she was doing there.
→ Does she seem to be avoiding your kisses, or avoiding sex? That can be a sign that she considers being with you as "work".
→ Does she make you feel insecure? Do you feel that if she met a guy with more money tomorrow, she would go with him instead? If yes, then you know why she stays with you.
Do Indonesian Girls Like Foreigners?
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I received this question dozens of times, from people of various ethnicities: White, African, Indian, Arab, Turkish, Chinese, etc.
Indonesians tend to categorize people based on their skin color, with "white" being the most desirable. Caucasians, also called bule, clearly have an advantage, though not all girls like them (read Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners). Latinos and Turkish people are often considered "bule".
Japanese and Koreans are also popular, partly due to the influence of their culture (Korean dramas, movies, mangas, K-Pop, J-Pop, etc).
With Arabs, it depends if you are a Moroccan, a Saudi, or a French from Arab descent. The latter will be considered as a bule. The others might be attractive to more conservative girls.
Darker skins, especially Indians and Africans may have more difficulties. I have heard countless time girls telling me they wouldn't date black people.
That said, the skin color isn't everything. I know white guys who can't get Indonesian girls, and I know black ones who manage to score every night. What's their secret? They are friendly, well-educated, well-dressed, polite, handsome, and they have good jobs.
Overall, being a foreigner may help or hinder you, depending on your ethnicity/nationality. But in the end, you can still make a difference with your personality/personal situation.
Indonesians tend to categorize people based on their skin color, with "white" being the most desirable. Caucasians, also called bule, clearly have an advantage, though not all girls like them (read Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners). Latinos and Turkish people are often considered "bule".
With Arabs, it depends if you are a Moroccan, a Saudi, or a French from Arab descent. The latter will be considered as a bule. The others might be attractive to more conservative girls.
Darker skins, especially Indians and Africans may have more difficulties. I have heard countless time girls telling me they wouldn't date black people.
That said, the skin color isn't everything. I know white guys who can't get Indonesian girls, and I know black ones who manage to score every night. What's their secret? They are friendly, well-educated, well-dressed, polite, handsome, and they have good jobs.
Overall, being a foreigner may help or hinder you, depending on your ethnicity/nationality. But in the end, you can still make a difference with your personality/personal situation.
Is My Girlfriend Cheating on Me?
A reader of Jakarta100bars wrote a long article about this a few years ago, and I think it is still valid: 10 Signs Your Indonesian Girlfriend is Cheating on You.
What Are the Dos and Don'ts When Dating An Indonesian Girl?
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If you are dating an Indonesian girl, here are a few recommendations:
- Pay for her drinks/food/movie ticket
I think you should always invite her, unless you are certain that she has a decent salary. If she insists to pay, just tell her that she can buy you coffee later.
If you don't want to pay for her, then choose an affordable restaurant with prices that match local salaries.
- Don't dress as a tourist
Jakarta is a business city, it's not Bali. Short pants and flip-flops are only acceptable on weekends. The rest of the week, make the effort to dress casual.
- Meet her in a bar/café/restaurant that has AC
The outside air in Jakarta is hot and polluted. If you don't want to look like a mess after a 1-hour dinner, choose a venue that has AC.
- Don't make derogatory comments about Indonesia
Talk about Indonesia in a positive way. Don't spend your time complaining as it will make her feel embarrassed.
I remember a terrible date I had where I started talking about how corrupt the Indonesian police was, and then the girl started crying because her dad was a policeman. Don't do that.
- Don't criticize her religion
A very touchy topic that often ends up with a disagreement. You won't change her view, so what's the point?
- Don't tell her she is skinny, short or dark
While you may mean that as a compliment, she might consider it as a criticism.
- Pay for her drinks/food/movie ticket
I think you should always invite her, unless you are certain that she has a decent salary. If she insists to pay, just tell her that she can buy you coffee later.
If you don't want to pay for her, then choose an affordable restaurant with prices that match local salaries.
- Don't dress as a tourist
Jakarta is a business city, it's not Bali. Short pants and flip-flops are only acceptable on weekends. The rest of the week, make the effort to dress casual.
- Meet her in a bar/café/restaurant that has AC
The outside air in Jakarta is hot and polluted. If you don't want to look like a mess after a 1-hour dinner, choose a venue that has AC.
- Don't make derogatory comments about Indonesia
Talk about Indonesia in a positive way. Don't spend your time complaining as it will make her feel embarrassed.
I remember a terrible date I had where I started talking about how corrupt the Indonesian police was, and then the girl started crying because her dad was a policeman. Don't do that.
- Don't criticize her religion
A very touchy topic that often ends up with a disagreement. You won't change her view, so what's the point?
- Don't tell her she is skinny, short or dark
While you may mean that as a compliment, she might consider it as a criticism.
Should I Send or Give Money to My Girlfriend?
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Unless you are dating an Indonesian girl who has a very good job, or who comes from a rich family, there will probably come a time in your relationship where money becomes an issue.
While it may seem normal to pay for dinners or trips, you may feel uncomfortable sending her or giving her money. After all, it is not a common thing to do in Western countries (unless your girlfriend is a sugar baby).
In Indonesia, on the contrary, it is considered normal for a boyfriend to pay for certain expenses (accommodation, phone, school fees, etc) or to give money. It is a form of commitment, and also a way to show you care and understand her situation.
Personally, I don't see any problem with that, and I've helped a few exes in the past.
Still, there are some precautions you may want to take before heading to the ATM, especially if you don't have a lot of money for yourself already.
For instance:
- Can you be sure that she is not giving the money to someone else (an Indonesian boyfriend, her dad, a friend, etc)?
- Is she honest with you about why she needs money and how she intends to spend it?
- Are there other guys giving her money as well?
You cannot be too naive if you met the girl in Bats, CJs, or Dragonfly. The prettiest ones there almost always have at least one boyfriend already.
How much you want to give depends on you and your girlfriend. What you can keep in mind is that the minimum salary in Jakarta is around 250$, and that $1,000 is the salary of a young manager in an international company.
If you live abroad, I suggest using TransferWise. It's probably one of the cheapest way to send money to Indonesia.
While it may seem normal to pay for dinners or trips, you may feel uncomfortable sending her or giving her money. After all, it is not a common thing to do in Western countries (unless your girlfriend is a sugar baby).
In Indonesia, on the contrary, it is considered normal for a boyfriend to pay for certain expenses (accommodation, phone, school fees, etc) or to give money. It is a form of commitment, and also a way to show you care and understand her situation.
Personally, I don't see any problem with that, and I've helped a few exes in the past.
Still, there are some precautions you may want to take before heading to the ATM, especially if you don't have a lot of money for yourself already.
For instance:
- Can you be sure that she is not giving the money to someone else (an Indonesian boyfriend, her dad, a friend, etc)?
- Is she honest with you about why she needs money and how she intends to spend it?
- Are there other guys giving her money as well?
You cannot be too naive if you met the girl in Bats, CJs, or Dragonfly. The prettiest ones there almost always have at least one boyfriend already.
How much you want to give depends on you and your girlfriend. What you can keep in mind is that the minimum salary in Jakarta is around 250$, and that $1,000 is the salary of a young manager in an international company.
If you live abroad, I suggest using TransferWise. It's probably one of the cheapest way to send money to Indonesia.