It's a list of questions that people have asked me over time. I tried to answer them as concisely as possible so you won't lose time reading it. If you still have interrogations, please ask them in the comment section below.
What Are the Best Cities to Meet Indonesian Girls?
1) Jakarta and its suburbs (Bekasi, Depok, Tangerang)
The whole metropolitan area of Jakarta has over 35 million inhabitants in total. That's a dating pool of several million single women, many of whom are interested with foreigners.
Considering the sheer size of this megalopolis, it is essential to stay near the city center, for instance near the Sudirman Central Business District (SCBD). Remember that the city is plagued by massive traffic jams that make it both expensive and time-consuming to get around.
2) Surabaya
The second city in Indonesia with over 3 million people. It's a rather clean city, well-managed, and affordable. Very few foreigners live there. Surabaya girls are reputed to make excellent girlfriends or wives.
3) South Bali
The area between Kuta, Seminyak, Canggu, and Denpasar attracts Indonesian girls from all over the country. Many are looking to marry foreigners. They tend to be more open-minded, which is one of the reasons they left their hometown and moved to Bali.
4) Bandung
Only 3 hours away from Jakarta, Bandung is the capital of West Java and the third largest Indonesian city. It is home to a large student population. Sundanese girls are considered among the most beautiful in Indonesia.
What are the Best Dating Apps for Indonesia?
There are dozens of dating apps and sites to meet Indonesian girls, but only a few of them have a really large database of users. My favorite ones are the following:
1) Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Hinge
Tens of thousands of profiles are available on these apps. However, most girls will expect you to live in Indonesia so it might not be great if you're only passing by. They work best with guys who are young and good-looking.
Those apps are extremely popular with Indonesian guys as well so you'll probably need to pay something extra to promote your profile and to be seen by more girls.
IndonesianCupid is perfect for men who are not living in Indonesia. It's a more traditional match-making website, with a focus on personality more than looks. Recommended to prepare for a trip. Free to register here.
Seeking.com is also a very popular dating website in Indonesia, but it is more controversial. It is for older men, in their 30s, 40s, or more, who are looking for a young sugar baby. That said, many Indonesian girls use it as a normal dating site so you can always have a look!
Read more: Best Dating Apps and Sites for Indonesia
What Are the Best Clubs to Meet Indonesian Girls?
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Shishi is certainly the easiest option, but there are many prostitutes and semi-professional girls in the crowd. La Favela and Motel Mexicola are two other good options, with a slightly better crowd.
Basque, Loewy, Boca Rica, Caspar and Dragonfly are the most popular bars and nightclubs among foreigners who live in Jakarta. For this reason, many Indonesian girls will also visit them.
What Are Indonesian Girls Like?
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While each girl is different, there are certain personality traits that you will find in most Indonesian girls. This is especially true for those who belong to the middle class and who were educated in Indonesia. That's because they were raised in a similar environment, with modest means, in rather conservative and religious families.
Here are some traits that are characteristic of Indonesian girls:
- Easy-going, cheerful: Indonesians usually have a positive outlook on life. As long as there is enough food on the table, they will be in a good mood to laugh, joke and tease.
- Kind, generous: She should be genuinely concerned about your well-being. Also, she won't hesitate to help a family member or a friend who needs a handout. Unfortunately, it might be done using your money.
- Religious, superstitious: She is most likely to be a believer. The ones who date foreigners may be more open-minded, but still, they'll ask their boyfriend to convert if there is a difference of religion. It is also very likely that she will believe in ghosts.
- Reserved, touchy: She might be shy to express feelings or emotions. That can become an issue within your couple if she doesn't tell you when she is angry at you for instance. It is often difficult to criticize her without causing drama. Always be very careful with your words.
- Group and family-oriented: In general, her behavior will tend to match her family and her communities' expectations. Being unique or original is not valued as much as in the West.
- Strong: The average Indonesian girl probably had a much tougher life than the average Western girl. As a result, I believe they have a unique ability to overcome hardships.
- Pragmatic: She will accept and be satisfied with a situation that is not ideal, as long as it fulfills her most important requirements (economic security is often the main one). In that sense, many Indonesian girls will consider that feeling safe and protected is the definition of love.
- Pragmatic: She will accept and be satisfied with a situation that is not ideal, as long as it fulfills her most important requirements (economic security is often the main one). In that sense, many Indonesian girls will consider that feeling safe and protected is the definition of love.
Do Indonesian Girls Like Foreigners?
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I received this question dozens of times, from people of various ethnicities: White, African, Indian, Arab, Turkish, Chinese, etc.
Indonesians tend to categorize people based on their skin color, with "white" being the most desirable. Caucasians, also called bule, clearly have an advantage, though not all girls like them (read Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners). Latinos and Turkish people are often considered "bule".
Japanese and Koreans are also popular, partly due to the influence of their culture (Korean dramas, movies, mangas, K-Pop, J-Pop, etc).
With Arabs, it depends if you are a Moroccan, a Saudi, or a French of Arab descent. The latter will be considered as a bule. The others might be attractive to more conservative girls. Being Muslim is usually an advantage with Muslim girls, for obvious reasons.
Darker skins, especially Indians and Africans may have more difficulties. I have heard countless times girls telling me they wouldn't date black people.
That said, skin color isn't everything. I know white guys who can't get Indonesian girls, and I know black ones who manage to score every night. What's their secret? They are friendly, well-educated, well-dressed, polite, handsome, and they have good jobs.
Overall, being a foreigner may help or hinder you, depending on your ethnicity/nationality. But in the end, you can still make a difference with your personality/personal situation.
Indonesians tend to categorize people based on their skin color, with "white" being the most desirable. Caucasians, also called bule, clearly have an advantage, though not all girls like them (read Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners). Latinos and Turkish people are often considered "bule".
With Arabs, it depends if you are a Moroccan, a Saudi, or a French of Arab descent. The latter will be considered as a bule. The others might be attractive to more conservative girls. Being Muslim is usually an advantage with Muslim girls, for obvious reasons.
Darker skins, especially Indians and Africans may have more difficulties. I have heard countless times girls telling me they wouldn't date black people.
That said, skin color isn't everything. I know white guys who can't get Indonesian girls, and I know black ones who manage to score every night. What's their secret? They are friendly, well-educated, well-dressed, polite, handsome, and they have good jobs.
Overall, being a foreigner may help or hinder you, depending on your ethnicity/nationality. But in the end, you can still make a difference with your personality/personal situation.
What Are the Dos and Don'ts When Dating An Indonesian Girl?
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If you are dating an Indonesian girl, here are a few recommendations:
- Pay for her drinks/food/movie ticket
I think you should always invite her unless she has a high-paying job or she comes from a rich family. If she insists on paying, just tell her that she can buy you coffee later.
If you don't want to pay for her, then choose an affordable restaurant with prices that match local salaries (you can consider that IDR 5 million per month is considered a pretty good salary for a young Indonesian in her 20s).
- Don't dress like a tourist
Jakarta is a business city, it's not Bali. Short pants and flip-flops are only acceptable on weekends. For the rest of the week, make the effort to dress up.
- Meet her in a bar/café/restaurant that has AC
The outside air in Jakarta is hot and polluted. If you don't want to look like a mess after a 1-hour dinner, choose a venue that has AC.
- Don't make derogatory comments about Indonesia
Talk about Indonesia in a positive way. Don't spend your time complaining as it will make her feel embarrassed.
I remember a terrible date I had where I started talking about how corrupt the Indonesian police was, and then the girl started crying because her dad was a policeman.
- Don't criticize her religion
A very touchy topic that often ends up with a disagreement. You won't change her view, so what's the point?
- Don't tell her she is skinny, short or dark
While you may mean that as a compliment, Indonesians usually perceive those as criticism.
- Pay for her drinks/food/movie ticket
I think you should always invite her unless she has a high-paying job or she comes from a rich family. If she insists on paying, just tell her that she can buy you coffee later.
If you don't want to pay for her, then choose an affordable restaurant with prices that match local salaries (you can consider that IDR 5 million per month is considered a pretty good salary for a young Indonesian in her 20s).
- Don't dress like a tourist
Jakarta is a business city, it's not Bali. Short pants and flip-flops are only acceptable on weekends. For the rest of the week, make the effort to dress up.
- Meet her in a bar/café/restaurant that has AC
The outside air in Jakarta is hot and polluted. If you don't want to look like a mess after a 1-hour dinner, choose a venue that has AC.
- Don't make derogatory comments about Indonesia
Talk about Indonesia in a positive way. Don't spend your time complaining as it will make her feel embarrassed.
I remember a terrible date I had where I started talking about how corrupt the Indonesian police was, and then the girl started crying because her dad was a policeman.
- Don't criticize her religion
A very touchy topic that often ends up with a disagreement. You won't change her view, so what's the point?
- Don't tell her she is skinny, short or dark
While you may mean that as a compliment, Indonesians usually perceive those as criticism.
Should I Send or Give Money to My Girlfriend?
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Unless you are dating a rich Indonesian girl, there will probably come a time in your relationship where money becomes an issue.
While it may seem normal to pay for dinners or trips, you may feel uncomfortable sending her or giving her money. After all, it is not a common thing to do in Western countries (unless your girlfriend is a sugar baby).
In Indonesia, on the contrary, it is considered normal for a boyfriend to pay for certain expenses (accommodation, phone, school fees, etc) or to give money. It is a form of commitment, and also a way to show you care and understand her situation.
Personally, I don't see any problem with that, and I've helped a few exes in the past.
Still, there are some precautions you may want to take before heading to the ATM, especially if you don't have a lot of money for yourself already.
For instance:
- Can you be sure that she is not giving the money to someone else (an Indonesian boyfriend, her dad, a friend, etc)?
- Is she honest with you about why she needs money and how she intends to spend it?
- Are there other guys giving her money as well?
While it may seem normal to pay for dinners or trips, you may feel uncomfortable sending her or giving her money. After all, it is not a common thing to do in Western countries (unless your girlfriend is a sugar baby).
In Indonesia, on the contrary, it is considered normal for a boyfriend to pay for certain expenses (accommodation, phone, school fees, etc) or to give money. It is a form of commitment, and also a way to show you care and understand her situation.
Personally, I don't see any problem with that, and I've helped a few exes in the past.
Still, there are some precautions you may want to take before heading to the ATM, especially if you don't have a lot of money for yourself already.
For instance:
- Can you be sure that she is not giving the money to someone else (an Indonesian boyfriend, her dad, a friend, etc)?
- Is she honest with you about why she needs money and how she intends to spend it?
- Are there other guys giving her money as well?
What you can do is calculate how much she earns compared to how much she spends. If she is unemployed but possesses the latest iPhone, a car, an apartment, and designer clothes, this means that she almost certainly has one or several generous sponsors.
Don't be naive also. If you met the girl in Bats, CJs, or Dragonfly, or on a sugar baby site like Seeking.com, the girl will probably try to extort as much money from you as she can. If you are OK with that (and if you can afford it), why not.
Don't be naive also. If you met the girl in Bats, CJs, or Dragonfly, or on a sugar baby site like Seeking.com, the girl will probably try to extort as much money from you as she can. If you are OK with that (and if you can afford it), why not.
How to Send Money to Your Indonesian GF?
If you live abroad, I suggest using Wise. It's probably one of the cheapest ways to send money to Indonesia.